佚名/Anonymous
I was not a particularly happy child,and like most teenagers,I rev eled in my angst.One day,however,it occurred to me that I was taking the easy way out.Anyone could be unhappy;it took no courage or effort.True challenge lay in struggling to be happy.
The notion that we have to work at happiness comes as news to many p eople.We assume it's a feeling that comes as a result of good things th at just happen to us,things over which we have little or no control.
But the opposite is true:happiness is largely under our control.It is a battle to be waged and not a feeling to be awaited.
To achieve a happier life,it's necessary to overcome some stumbling blocks,three of which are:
Comparison with Others
Most of us compare ourselves with anyone we think is happier-a rela tive,an acquaintance or,often,someone we barely know.I once met a yo ung man who struck me as particularly successful and happy.He spoke of his love for his beautiful wife and their daughters,and of his joy at b eing a radio talk-show host in a city he loved.I remember thinking he w as one of those lucky few for whom everything goes effortlessly right.
Then we started talking about the Internet.He blessed its existence,he told me,because he could look up information on multiple sclerosis-the terrible disease afflicting his wife.I felt like a fool for assum ing nothing unhappy existed in his life.
Images of Perfection
Almost any of us have images of how life should be.The problem,of course,is that only rarely do people's jobs,spouses and children live up to these imagined ideals.
Here's a personal example:No one in my family had ever divorced.I assumed that marriage was for life.So when my wife and I divorced three years after the birth of our son,my world caved in.I was a failure in my own eyes.
I later remarried but confided to my wife,Fran that I couldn't shak e the feeling that my family life had failed.She asked me what was wron g with our family now (which included her daughter from a previous marri age and my son).I had to admit that,aside from the pain of being with my son only half the time (my ex-wife and I shared custody),our family life was wonderful.