瑞·古德/Ron Gold
My son is growing up, and it scares me. Terrifies me, actually. Girls. Driving. Alcohol. Drugs. How can I protect him from all of these things?
When he was little, I was one of those regimented, omnipresent mothers. Even when it was hard or I was tired, I addressed even the most seemingly insignificant experience if I thought it dealt with something fundamental.“I’m doing this for the long haul.”I’d tell myself and my critics. Now, I have to hope my instincts were right.
My chances for guidance dwindle daily, encumbered by the ever-present and often more-favored peers. I fear that my influence will be replaced by someone wearing a trench coat or a short skirt.
Still, I repeat the basics to him when he doesn’t want to listen and address the tough issues head on. And I hold on to my belief that for the“formative”years, I demanded his full attention and maybe that unrelenting consistency will save us both.
I know that I haven’t lost him completely, not yet anyway, because of the look he gave me the other day when I dropped him off at school.
“I love you.”I said, as always, as he grabbed his backpack. Usually, he’ll say,“I love you, too, bye.”but he didn’t, and I was OK with it. He’s 14，what do I expect?Then he looked straight at me.“I love you.”he said quietly. He looked right into my eyes to see that I heard him.
The girls who were passing by were out of earshot by then. His words and that look happened in a hundredth of a second, but the whole universe became still and I could’t hear a thing. In that sliver of a moment, his entire lifetime blazed through my mind. I know him better than anyone on this planet. I can hear what he’s not saying and know what he means:“I love you, too, Mom, and I hope you know that. I wanted to say it back to you when you said it, but there were some people walking by and they might have heard me and then teased me, but I sure didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, and I didn’t want you to leave without hearing it, because I really do love you. Please understand.”