佚名/Anonymous
“There are two kinds of marriages,”says Richard Exley, evangelist and author.“Bad marriages and hard marriages.”
Think about it: Weddings take men and women from different backgrounds and sometimes opposite temperaments, with various and unrealistic expectations, and put them together. The result? Often conflict, anger, disappointment and pain. There’s no denying that marriage is hard or that any marriage can go bad. But bad marriages can be made better. It just takes a lot of work.
Marriage As We Knew It to Be
Raymond and I learned how hard marriage can be almost immediately—I started medical school just three months after our wedding. My class schedule, constant studying and clinical rotations limited our time together and strained our young marriage. The addition of our first child compounded the stress of residency. Then we assumed life would be easy if I practiced in a group with shared call.
However, two careers and two children—yes, we had another—were demanding. We were busy with church and short-term mission trips, and three of our parents died within 10 years. Life took a toll on us as individuals and as a couple；everything received more time and attention than our relationship.
We read several excellent books on marriage written by respected and knowledgeable Christian authorities. Each explained exactly what was wrong and how to fix it. But when we put the principles into practice, we’d get ahead only a little before we got stuck in the same old patterns. Every time we tried and failed made it harder to begin again.
We did not communicate well. Both Raymond and I believed the other didn’t hear or understand what we thought or felt. There was little overt conflict, yet little emotional intimacy. Issues went unresolved, as did our anger, which led to chronic resentment. Though we were both committed to our marriage, it lacked its original passion, and we longed to regain it.