戴尔·卡耐基/Dale Carnegie
Some time ago, I attended a bridge party. I don't play bridge and there was a woman there who didn't play bridge either. She had discovered that I had once been Lowell Thomas' manager before he went on the radio and that I had traveled in Europe a great deal while helping him prepare the illustrated travel talks he was then delivering. So she said:“Oh, Mr. Carnegie, I do want you to tell me about all the wonderful places you have visited and the sights you have seen.”
As we sat down on the sofa, she remarked that she and her husband had recently returned from a trip to Africa.
“Africa!”I exclaimed.“How interesting! I've always wanted to see Africa, but I never got there except for a twenty-four-hour stay once in Algiers. Tell me, did you visit the big-game country? Yes? How fortunate. I envy you. Do tell me about Africa.”
That kept her talking for forty-five minutes. She never again asked me where I had been or what I had seen. She didn't want to hear me talk about my travels. All she wanted was an interested listener, So she could expand her ego and tell about where she had been.
Was she unusual? No. Many people are like that.
For example, I met a distinguished botanist at a dinner party given by a New York book publisher. I had never talked with a botanist before, and I found him fascinating. I literally sat on the edge of my chair and listened while he spoke of exotic plants and experiments in developing new forms of plant life and indoor gardens (and even told me astonishing facts about the humble potato). I had a small indoor garden of my owand he was good enough to tell me how to solve some of my problems.
As I said, we were at a dinner party. There must have been a dozen other guests, but I violated all the canons of courtesy, ignored everyone else, and talked for hours to the botanist.
Midnight came, I said good night to everyone and departed. The botanist then turned to our host and paid me several flattering compliments. I was“most stimulating.”I was this and I was that, and he ended by saying I was a“most interesting conversationalist.”