Traditionally viewed as “coming of age” birthdays, 18 and 21 are landmarks in a young person’s life. While turning 18 is more significant in the eyes of the law, most notably allowing an individual to buy alcohol, a 21st birthday was always held, in years gone by, as the most important milestone.
Nowadays, both are notable birthdays. However, you should “select” one for more generous birthday presents and large celebrations. It is unrealistic to expect family and friends to go extend their generosity twice in three years.
■Independent Parties
Many 18ths and 21sts are celebrated independently, away from parents and family. Some choose to have a meal out with friends or an evening in the pub; many turning 21st, as already being away from home, prefer to celebrate in their universities.
◇It is always a popular move if parents offer to help finance any celebrations, even if they are not present. This may be contributing towards a meal, or putting a (limited) tab behind a bar.
◇Parents should ask their daughter or son how their contemporaries have celebrated and establish a suitable way to contribute.
◇If parents want to make sure that the money goes towards the party and guarantee that all is above board, then they can telephone the restaurant or bar in advance and establish with them what is being contributed.
◇It is wise to limit any financial contributions and make the host (daughter or son) aware of this in advance.
◇Some parents also set up arrangements to pay the establishment over the phone on the night, or ask their daughter or son for a receipt to ensure they retain control over spending.
■Informal Parties
If your child wants to throw an informal party for his/her friends, you will probably find yourself deeply involved. Your child may well still live with you (so his/her home is your home), or—even if he/she is away at university etc.—may still regard the family home as his/her personal property.