On hearing the news that a relative or friend has died, the first thing you will need to do is to extend your sympathy and offer assistance in whatever way you can. It is not easy to deal with the emotion of grief, but it is important to let the family know that they are not alone though their loved one is gone.
■Expressing Sympathy
If you are a family member or close friend of the family of the deceased, pay a visit to their home to express your sympathy and offer your help.
It is always best to express your sympathy in a simple and brief way. The family will appreciate a sincere expression of condolence though it is brief. “I’m sorry” and “I’m so sorry to hear of your loss” are the most commonly used expressions, and of course they should be delivered in a sympathetic, sincere voice. If you are acquainted with the deceased, it is often helpful to say so: “Mike will be missed by everyone” or “I always counted Mike as a good friend”. Kind words are always appreciated.
As most people may find themselves at a loss for words in this case, it is advisable to follow the lead of the family members. If they want to talk about the deceased, lend an ear and a few minutes of your time. Being a good listener may be the best solace you can provide for them.
You don’t have to stay for a lengthy period of time when attending calling hours. Just follow your instincts as to how long to stay. If the deceased was a good friend, you may feel it necessary to stay longer, expressing your own grief, and paying your respects to the family at the same time. If it is the first time you meet the family, introduce yourself and let them know how you are connected to their loved one. Co-workers and colleagues of the deceased may attend calling hours together, but avoid descending on the bereaved all together. Each one may offer individual sympathy and a word or two of support, such as “I am so sorry for your loss”, and/or “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help”.