As we sat down on the sofa， she remarked that she and her husband had recently returned from a trip to Africa.
“Africa！” I exclaimed. “How interesting！ I’ve always wanted to see Africa， but I never got there except for a twenty-four-hour stay once in Algiers. Tell me， did you visit the big-game country？ Yes？ How fortunate. I envy you. Do tell me about Africa.”
That kept her talking for forty-five minutes. She never again asked me where I had been or what I had seen. She didn’t want to hear me talk about my travels. All she wanted was an interested listener， so she could expand her ego and tell about where she had been.
Was she unusual？ No. Many people are like that.
For example， I met a distinguished botanist at a dinner party given by a New York book publisher. I had never talked with a botanist before， and I found him fascinating. I literally sat on the edge of my chair and listened while he spoke of exotic plants and experiments in developing new forms of plant life and indoor gardens (and even told me astonishing facts about the humble potato). I had a small indoor garden of my own—and he was good enough to tell me how to solve some of my problems.
As I said， we were at a dinner party. There must have been a dozen other guests， but I violated all the canons of courtesy， ignored everyone else， and talked for hours to the botanist.
Midnight came， I said good night to everyone and departed. The botanist then turned to our host and paid me several flattering compliments. I was “most stimulating.” I was this and I was that， and he ended by saying I was a “most interesting conversationalist.”
An interesting conversationalist？ Why， I had said hardly anything at all. I couldn’t have said anything if I had wanted to without changing the subject， for I didn’t know any more about botany than I knew about the anatomy of a penguin. But I had done this： I had listened intently. I had listened because I was genuinely interested. And he felt it. Naturally that pleased him. That kind of listening is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone.