Sharing spiritual values and praying together were emphasized. It draws couples closer together， they said. And we personally find it to be one of the biggest boons to strengthening our marriage.
During individual counseling sessions， Raymond and I reviewed the family dynamics in which we grew up — homes where the fathers were emotionally distant and unsupportive. Neither of us saw much emotional intimacy in our parents marriages. I found I wanted and expected Raymond to meet emotional needs my father failed to fulfill. My husband， in turn， struggled with conflicting emotions about his military service in Vietnam， particularly why he survived when so many， including a close friend， did not.
In joint sessions， we addressed issues that strained our relationship. We both avoided conflict by suppressing anger and withdrawing emotionally. Thus we grew distant and didn’ t confront new issues as they arose. Some of them dated back several years but remained painful because we had never resolved them. Raymond admitted he still resented my frequent absences from home during residency， when he cared for our infant son alone. His lack of sensitivity and support when my mother was ill and confined to a nursing home continued to gall me after all this time. We began to recognize the layers of hurt and resentment that we needed to peel away before we could forgive each other and build a new relationship.
The retreat gave us time together with no distractions — our cabin didn’ t even have a television！ Yet without the trappings and concerns of daily life， we had plenty of time to talk， have fun and immediately put into practice what we learned. We simply enjoyed being together. It was like a honeymoon！
Committing to changing our behavior after we returned home， Raymond and I make note of the concepts that were presented and planned to review them regularly. We also identified key areas we needed to improve upon and developed a plan to accomplish these goals. Knowing we needed more time for the two of us， for example， we made a list of times during the week， such as Tuesday noontimes and Thursday evenings， that we could commit to spending together regularly.